Friday, 19 November 2010
People in a lot of countries believe they rank amongst the highest consumers of alcohol in the world, i certainly did as to my countries standing when i lived there, but boy was i wrong. Maybe it's the cold in winter, the darkness of that season or something else altogether, but Swedish people drink a lot of alcohol.
There are a lot of celebrations in Sweden, some as other countries do like christmas, new years eve, easter and the like, and then there's a number of celebrations, we'll call them 'parties' as in reality that's what they are, that Swedish people seem to have invented as purely an excuse to get together and get drunk. You cannot go out for a night on the town in Sweden, if you are a real Swede, without first attending a pre-party where you get drunk before ever stepping into a bar or club. Then after you have consumed all the alcohol you can manage at a club before it closes for the night, you head back to someone's abode, either pre arranged or done so at the club, to keep drinking until the wee hours of the morning in what's referred to as the after party. Sweet! That is if you require alcohol to sustain your life, which seems to be the case for some Swedish people..
The government has a state owned monopoly on the sale of alcohol in Sweden, it's called Systembolaget and yes you can buy light beer in the supermarket, but seriously. This doesn't stop Swedes from paying the exuberant prices charged there nor for that matter what the bars and clubs get away with in terms of pricing.. although the expensive drinks when you go out might explain the pre-party, this could in no way account for the after party. Swedish people have found a novel way of saving money spent on alcohol, at least the kind drunk at home, hence all the parties. There are the constant ferries traveling to other countries from Swedish ports which travel through international waters, for a short time, but more than enough to get some duty free alcohol, and then there's the road trip, although usually less than 24hrs, to Germany. Cheap alcohol heaven to all Swedes where the vehicle of choice just needs to ensure it isn't scrapping the pavement and about to have catastrophic suspension failure to be allowed to cart alcohol back across the border.
Thursday, 16 September 2010
People in all countries, were candles are easily and cheaply available, will have a number of candles in their house. Most will have a few stashed in a drawer for those nights of a romantic dinner, relaxed lighting for a bath or a random storm that knocks out your electricity supply once a year for a few hours. Swedes on the hand, will have candles lit at all times and for all occasions, like a normal weekday.
This love for candles that Swedes display makes it a no brainer for buying presents, don't know what to get, can't think of anything original, just buy some candles, you will be loved immediately.
Friday, 13 August 2010
shortening words and ending said words in a vowel. For example.. Chrissie : Christmas, Cockie : cockroach. There are some exceptions to this of course, like Hoon : hooligan, but you would need to search long and hard to find such examples.
Some have speculated that due to the english language being wide spread in it's geography and use, some words ending in a consonant have snuck in under the radar. A few of these infiltrators are tolerated as inconvenient but no great threat to the people as a whole.
There is evidence, although inconclusive, that if this phenomenom were to grow any larger from it's current negligible percentage, there could be a national depression leading to, among other things, indifference, sadness and quite possibly violent outlashings. This however would be unacceptable to the gatekeepers of the Australian people, also knows as Bogans.
Thus the bogan is constantly working at shortening words and making sure they end in a vowel as often as possible, this is probaly the most work a bogan will ever participate in their entire lives.
Whether a word has multiple syllables or just one, Australians will attempt to shorten said word. This compulsion will lead to a paradox when applied to single syllable words, which will then become much longer than the original. Arguing this point with an Australian may result in blank stares and possible brain hemorrhage, so it is best avoided.
Some examples of this need are below..
ambo - ambulance
acco - accident
arvo - afternoon
barbie - barbecue
bikkie - biscuit
Upon closer inspection you may notice that bikkie is only one letter short of the original word and both are 2 syllable words, again, it would be impolite to point this out. Some further examples follow..
brekkie - breakfast
brickie - bricklayer
chokkie - chocolate
chook - chicken
This compulsion also extends to names of places and people, Brisbane becomes Brizzie and John becomes Johnno. The astute reader will notice that Johnno is longer than the original John, it is recommended that you move along, nothing to see here.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
In Australia, the term 'Ute' (short for utility vehicle) is most commonly used to describe a pickup truck, although upon closer inspection you may notice that these vehicels are not actually trucks. This would seem a good enough reason to call them utes, but don't be fooled, it's more likely due to their compulsive need to shorten words, even if that word consists of a single syllable.
Although utes can be found in a variety of countries in one form or another, nowhere are they as beloved as in Australia. While these utes are commonly used by tradespeople, they are popular as personal transport.
Some Australian men love their ute more than their wive/girlfriend. This can easily be compensated for by said wife/girlfriend through professing ones own love of utes. This enables her to spend more time with her man while he's 'lovin' his ute. Also, she can pretend the love he's showing is actually directed at her, and not a car.
When traveling through Sweden you will see a lot of trees, Volvo's and leggings. In that order. If you are in the leggings business or are thinking of going into business producing leggings, Sweden is the market to aim for. You will make a killing.
Their penchant for leggings might have something to do with the weather, as in summer it's usually not warm enough to just wear a skirt and in winter it's just fucking cold.
Disclaimer: The weather being responsible for their love of leggings is pure speculation, most likely Swedish women just really like leggings. Either way, further studies are warranted.